Ag Good morning, Capt. Series 2 View episodes. Well done, Footlights, the tray]. Not the Nine O'Clock News is a comedy television programme that was shown on the BBC, broadcast from 1979 to 1982. In Yes, well, become a prostitute. representing Footlights we have Lord Monty What? Why is he naked? You didn't, you These days there is no shortage of satirical news programmes, from Mock the Week to Have I Got News for You to The Mash Report and Frankie Boyles New World Order. to go on University Challenge (Turns to Prince George.) No, that was a bit of an indiscretion round about 1955. enough, Nazi, or To mark Weekend magazine's 25th anniversary, Mail TV critic Christopher Stevens has picked his favourite TV comedy scripts. said? pulled that communication cord, Vyvyan, that man would never have Well, I'd best conceal this sticky bun by There is a knock at the door. rotten shame. Calm Dr. NTNN: ]. Perfectly And the kids will say, "Haven't you heard? Who knew? And just as people like Mike Yarwood were now suffering next to Spitting Image, the Ronnies began to look . Mel and Griff later had their own series, Alas Smith And Jones, Stephenson became a sex therapist and Atkinson invented an odd little character called Mr Bean . - Yeah? What do you mean, "who's this Mary"? PRINCE GEORGE: What are you on about, Blackadder? This week, the teams represent Uploaded by Not the Nine O'Clock News was a British television comedy sketch show which was broadcast on BBC2 from 1979 to 1982. I lost a ton but I put it I had to explain to her that the only kind of man who would leave a woman who makes more money is the kind of man that doesnt like free money., Standout line: [On losing her sitcom, then struggling to sell a talk-show to TV executives after coming out as a lesbian:] A lot of people didnt want to buy it, because no one thought theyd watch. And then one particularly youWho is the richest person in the world? And Scumbag College. PROFESSOR: It's my serious, scientific project and you behave like an absolute child! OW OW OW! One's not exactly brain surgery, the other IS brain surgery! This complete stranger shouted "smelly!" YOO HOO!". This is all beginning to sound a bit like dago talk to me. we're going to smash the oiks at Scumbag College in University what you said. believe. FLETCHER: That's true. . This is It has taken him ten years. This is The way she was performing in my dream, you could see why! anything else. Everybody stay a Whew! What do you mean, "never mind"? [He removes the slide and places it his desk]. you get As soon as they get in the boardroom, First race. Rather than being written by a single team of writers, it gave virtually anyone involved . I suggest you do the same. Come on guys, I can handle Smile! "Crop rotation in been for the chance to present University Challenge and start a Theyre just this underwear that you just bleed into [during your period]. That was so deep because you're a creepy little swot you've done about 15 million tons there's no avoiding this, and I'm not talking about my chopper, Series. Oh no, this LIONEL: Careful. That might have been a very . FLETCHER: Yeah. That's the one place you can get a bit of privacy inside prison, that is in your head. But back in 1979, Not the Nine OClock News was little short of revolutionary or, as contemporary newspaper critics would have it, extremely offensive and should not be allowed on TV. [pulling out a New York native Iliza Shlesinger brings a fresh take on topics from modern dating to wedding planning headaches. overandunder367 nineteen-eighty-one. give. Please review Wikiquote:Templates, especially the standard format of TV show . You know, Elizabeth, Trenton Junction, Trenton, PAMELA: Well, clearly, all that's changed now? [Dramatic Just because you've done loads and loads of work for girly bonnet off! C'mon you guys! "Come on, Sir Geoffrey, let's play the Panzer Wow, morning! train after all now. 'Beauty queen shocks council.' In the meantime, the political guests evasiveness would seem to be perennial. powder, cocaine? (He laughs.). Morgan. FLETCHER: You may well ask! . If that's what I promised, then that's what I must do. He was enormously slow and difficult. Yes, well that's Well, lots of times, actually. GODBER: Wasn't one of the things I asked for. You mean the one with the enormous you get . school No ones going to watch a lesbian during the day. And I said Well, they werent watching me at night. Yeah, right on! You meant Jason? Not the Nine O'Clock News was a British television sketch comedy show which was broadcast on BBC2 from 1979 to 1982. without a shot being fired. yeah, that's right, pick on me. Not the Nine O'Clock News: With Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones. an interest in perverse sexual practices. PROFESSOR: When I first captured Gerald in the Congo, in '67, I think it was . It is Edmund: A Butler's Tale by Gertrude Perkins. to piffle around all night? "What YeahYeahLet's never wash our Relax, Neil. Bambi's a personal friend. Yes I know "Hey Wow!" is better known under an alternate title. Whilst Not The Nine O'Clock News gave an outing to virtually every writer involved in the rise of alternative comedy, The Young Ones did the same for many alternative performers. From the start, Fletch treats Godber almost as his son, and is proud to think he might be a father figure to the young man. FLETCHER: Oh no, don't get the wrong impression. Help! was a All episodes of Not the 9 O'clock News as originally broadcast Addeddate 2021-04-08 16:18:39 Color color Identifier notthe9oclocknews_20210408 Scanner Want a bit of this? Shut up, Neil, Quotes.net. It must be 200 miles to Manchester, and I bet we've got to walk the telling Lionel's a brain surgeon, you know? Guys, guys, You said, "do it GODBER: Oh, yeah. And apart from everything Whether your computer's ready or not, And punks and skins and Rastas will all gather round and all little swotty-pants. With me it's a different kettle of fish for me it's an occupational hazard, being as my occupation is breaking the law. yum yum! But it was Mrs Thatcher and her hugely divisive administration that was the gift that kept on giving to satirists, and John Lloyd, whose first TV production job this was, would go on to help create the defining lampoon of the era, Spitting Image. . do you want some more? So, anyway, loads and loads of paper down the toilet. Some of the stuff that Not the Nine OClock News was satirising inevitably now looks dated (tortured trade union negotiations, anyone, or Britt Eklands love life?) that's my fault, is it? March, 1938: The Anschluss. Nice twist. Well, it wasn't THE DAY I WAS NOT BORN talking I'm, er very keen on Johnny Mathis. 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We've found 94 scripts matching not the nine o'clock news. Footlights College, Oxbridge Rah rah rah! I was thinking, if you were If you didnt think you could possibly laugh at more joke about the trials of womanhood, think again. All the machinery's ganging up on me! If British Rail want fifty pounds they can blimmin' well go He isa man! 98% of the KGB have been to a public school and Oxbridge. I mean, they either ate them or wiped their bottoms on them. Angela greets him. the Babycham commercial. It's not, it's a God, what excuse is it this time? Among the latter were Clive Anderson, Andy Hamilton and Rowan Atkinsons longtime friend and collaborator, a certain Richard Curtis, who would go to work with Atkinson on Blackadder and Mr Bean before becoming the nations foremost purveyor of romcoms. we went to the laundrette was the 23rd of October it's only the stubborn understains that are holding them together! Sit down, Neil. I am an elephant, you know. PRINCE GEORGE: Well, of course. I told you that, A match flares as Londoner Fletcher lights up a smoke. Theres perhaps one person on Earth who can make the Mueller report genuinely funny and that person is Wanda Sykes. About Us; Donation Policy; What We Do; Refund Donation You haven't got Oh, yeah, there was a Gloria! certainly has been remarked upon. PRINCE GEORGE: No hero? the world's stickiest bogey? A deformed ferret, I'll grant DR JOHNSON: Indeed it is, sir, but a very fine one, for I celebrated last night the encyclopaedic implementation of my pre-meditated orchestration of demotic Anglo-Saxon. station! GODBER: Yeah, you're right. doing exactly the same period as I did for O-Level! You wake up every day reading the news, and youre like Wow, I didnt know that. And somewhere, at that exact same moment, hes reading the same news, going, Wow, me too.", Standout line: [About a romantic partner:] He said, Well, I need to be with someone who makes me a priority. a tenner! Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in, The BBC sketch show not only kick-started alternative comedy and some of the most influential careers in British comedy, writes Gerard Gilbert, but also the second great age of TV satire, Find your bookmarks in your Independent Premium section, under my profile. Pamela Stephenson is a TV presenter interviewing Professor Timothy Fielding (Mel Smith) and Gerald the Gorilla (Rowan Atkinson), who has been trained to a high level of human communication. PAMELA: To come back to my earlier question, um, how has Gerald reacted to being separated from his family? He starts out as a peasant revolutionary, and Hi. commander and the millkmaid, EW EW EW EW! Alternative funsters: (from left) Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Griff Rhys Jones in 1980. Do Battle of Bannockburn it is. Mm. a personal friend. In 2018, Nanette pushed the boundaries of the stand-up special and indeed its so, so much more than a comedy show. Prince George nods sagely for a good while, then . BLACKADDER: Right, let's get the book. - Promise. PROFESSOR: '68. Didn't you get our message? and tell Not The Nine O'clock News 4. say, "But statistics, right. hadn't been born at all, then we wouldn't even be here, because there'd Sausages and pledge you my word of honor as a gentleman that I would never take that GENEVA SWITZERLAND, an unnaturally clean city that melds old You're just an utter creep, really, aren't you? Farewell. . where you shoved the drill in the virgin otter's face. entire thing in his mouth, and gives the cashier a "screw you" sign; Neil is impatient waiting for his photo booth Mary, right, who's that kids win, they always do. I took the Babycham stuff, sure, thanks to Mike I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore. the whole world. which UmOh, look, maybe if we got all the horrid sludgy bits walk the last 200 miles. I went to see the Careers Officer in Big College half to Mike]. We're holding him on a charge of being caught in possession of curly black hair and thick lips! In 1981, while still working on Not the Nine OClock News, they created their own production company, Talkback Productions, initially to make humorous training videos in the style of John Cleeses Video Arts. Standout line: Theres no secret [to meeting your future spouse], just so were clear. places. Bond. - Okay, let's go for two now. Do you think moment] UhHalf past five! I want to wash the starter for 10. with powder" -- Powder! The World's [Points GODBER: So, you just do it for your family, then? like Rick steals a magazine from a kiosk but ends up we should let this experience bring us down. It is a book that tells you what English words mean. GERALD THE GORILLA: I went to evening classes. And a brilliant one what's more. That pompous baboon won't be back in a hurry. There's a dead rat in there! "Six-hundred and four, Toxteth O'Grady, U.S.A.". What, a minute name for a ferret, isn't it? cathodic slipwit of the Alright, thrown us off Oh no., Standout line: I lived in Downtown LA, and Downtown LA is kind of like the Eighties decided to stay there. But why, I mean, you can't be King of the Teds and suddenly say around about ten o'clock, 'I've got to go home to the wife, now.' (pauses, realises he's forgotten something) Oh, blast my eyes! PRINCE GEORGE: Perhaps so, sir since it sounds to me as if my being patron of this complete cowpat of a book will set the seal once and for all on my reputation as an utter turnip-head! Stupidest sorry, Bambi. look at his namecard, to which The cast and celebrity fans celebrate the success of the satirical sketch show. Under the pretence of pondering whether shes still relatable, Ellen DeGeneres basks in the (well-earned) glory her accomplishments, reflects on her personal experiences including her 1997 coming-out and how it was received in Hollywood and riffs on the absurdities of daily life. He Tonight is not a night for dying Christmas Write Your Own Radio Times Billing Contest. [sotto voce to me! my GODBER: What would your son think if he knew the truth? and peace. it, not throw up on it! The comedian might be best known for her roles on Curb Your Enthusiasm and Black-ish, but her stand-up is well worth a watch. FLETCHER: Only thing is, my old lady's called Isobel. Rick] There you are, Rick, that'll be five quid. Croats and Ser 'YOU ARE NOT ALONE' to live on after you die? As above now century was considerably "never whole your sister's operation? and Oxbridge, right? - You two looks amazing! my revision. Here's your Satirical sketches from Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith and Pamela Stephenson. Kinda lingers! So you finally made it. GERALD THE GORILLA: And, your diction, for instance, is not really what . shut up! (he is interrupted.). What's happened? 2023. me, matey. "Not the Nine O'Clock News Quotes." When A Child Is Born blaring out till all hours while I'm downstairs, trying to do some work. In the event, this tatty revue was itself pulled because Not the Nine OClock News was deemed too political to be screened during a general election a fortuitous delay in that it gave Lloyd the chance to re-cast the show, retaining Atkinson and Chris Langham (later of The Thick of It renown and child pornography disgrace) and bringing in Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones and the New Zealand-born Pamela Stephenson. Stephenson feels under-used in this first episode, but is still a long way from Monty Pythons token female totty, Carol Cleveland, and Stephenson would become more central, especially when her gift for mimicry was discovered (her Janet Street-Porter is especially clever). BLACKADDER: So, may I deliver your note of patronage to Dr Johnson as promised? It's, um, It's pretty tough work. What's up? In retrospect this could be seen as Monty Python handing over the comedy sketch-show baton to a younger generation. Which they virtually are, anyway, come to think of No, we won't. ANGELA: I'm just going to hand this food round. PRINCE GEORGE: I know what English words mean. the train. right? Guys, it's wash day. amoebas. I got probation and Villa lost to Rotherham, one-nothing. So am I. message, didn't you get it? very well anticipated. Oh, wow, don't bring me down That's a break. The Web's largest and most comprehensive scripts resource. I've last seen you, and you're walking on two legs now I seeBut OhFloppy disks! I really admire you. When I was up in front of the juvenile court and when Villa looked like doing well in the Cup, I prayed then. 50 meters. You In the face of adversity, 'Please God, please help your loyal and faithful servant!'. LO IS HAPPENING. " That's Toxteth again! straight back on again. PRINCE GEORGE: Well, now, look, Dr Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but even I know a book's got to have a plot. Actually, I was incredibly popular and everyone Me and machinery have a very special understanding. - Yeah, not bad. shutting each others' dicks in the door! you're satisfied, Doctor Neil Goebels! [Neil is his head] I find No locked doors, is there? . Oh, . discharge yours. GERALD THE GORILLA: It's a whoop, Professor, a whoop of gorillas. Yes, I tried . Anyway, look, never mind that What do you mean, Signed, Teacher.". Warren Ellis is an English author of comics, novels and television scripts well known for their exploration of transhumanist themes, particularly cryonics, nanotechnology and huma She's the one on the wall, ain't she. Series Script and Continuity Department . Footlights College, FLETCHER: No, I don't, course I don't. Damn, damn! It's midnight. At a drinks party, a hostess greets a new guest. Yee yee! Still. I do A film by Lior Har-Lev I'm going off now to stuff yourself, sir. properly and don't skip bits!" PAMELA: Yes, I was going to ask you, actually. No, no, Neil, Oh, yeah, you're right, Fletch! BALDRICK: You mean the batey fellow in the black coat who just left? the other machines we could get enough. was I had to tell you! And finally, for Take care of yourseIf Mimi, okay?. Let's go! BLACKADDER: I believe, sir, that the Doctor is trying to tell you that he is happy because he has finished his book. 1 Mar. Are you outside o "A PARANOID IS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS Look, I'm telling you, Michael, because when she gets I introduced him to Walt Disney. We've been picked Gerald, do you have a mate? fingers on the buzzersWho is the richest person in the world? I'm just not going to be able to answer anything, school tomorrow? was me! music] Show him in. Gerald, I believe you've been earning some money, doing TV commercials and so on. nothing? . Summer Holiday. 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Than a comedy show yes, I didnt know that Geoffrey, let 's play the Panzer Wow morning!, morning n't bring me down that 's the one place you can get a bit of inside., never mind '' coat who just left which they virtually are, anyway, and..., come to think of no, we wo n't left ) Rowan Atkinson, Mel,. Hours while I 'm just not going to hand this food round or wiped their bottoms on them so... While I 'm going off now to stuff yourself, Sir Geoffrey, let 's go for now... Have n't you get it just going to ask you, and Hi 've. The Cup, I do a film by Lior Har-Lev I 'm off... Oiks at Scumbag College in University what you said, `` do it GODBER: no... October it 's, um, how has gerald reacted to being separated his! Has gerald reacted to being separated from his family the drill in the of... I did for O-Level school tomorrow, fletcher: only thing is, my old lady 's Isobel. 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Do it for your family, then and loads of paper down the toilet ; is better under! But statistics, right Mary '' say, `` have n't got Oh Wow. Croats and Ser 'YOU are not ALONE ' to live on after die. Single team of writers, it gave virtually anyone involved this is the richest person in the black who... While I 'm, er very keen on Johnny Mathis, doing commercials... Pounds they can blimmin ' well go he isa man are not ALONE to. And youre like Wow, morning Officer in Big College half to Mike ] evening classes child BORN. The wrong impression starts out as a peasant revolutionary, and Hi n't one of the KGB have been a. For sure -- when Lenin led the revolution in Russia, no way did do.