Teacher: "How can we keep the school clean?" If you could smell you, you wouldnt be friends with you. If you only see 41, clear your browser cache! 5. "How did you slip into the gene pool? My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. Clinic. Good Comebacks You hit the nail right on the head. 90. 58. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes. Teacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?" Tomorrow isnt looking good either. Im jealous of all the people that havent met you. Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it. Read more about Martin here. 74. hair Dont think you are an idiot But what is my opinion compared to countless others? It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. In your case, one would have been better than none. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, do not come home and all will be forgiven. Youre so dumb, I bet your dog teaches you tricks. Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place. You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily. Is it before ?? Yeah that is now. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you are too expensive for them to handle. "If I wanted to hear what an asshole sounded like, I'd fart. Worse, you don't want them to have the last word, So, we've compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. Now we are fed up. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. This is a fourth witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee." Oh, I didnt realize youre an expert in my life and how I should live it. 64. The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. If you ran like your mouth, youd be in good shape. The only thing more significant than a comeback is the poise and grace you display afterward. Simple Tips For Creating An Engaging Online Dating Profile, The Introverts Guide To Overcoming Fear At Networking Events, What Is Your Travel Style Based On Your Myers-Briggs Type? Thank you for the Bullshit sandwich, but I'm full. Download "Dirty mind" Sound: Download Sound. Views. I suggest you search for a little soul. Instead of kicking yourself later when you think of smart things you should say. 86. Hey Justin here, Thanks for visiting my blog. I hope it has helped you make the right decision. Armed with this repertoire of witty replies, people will think twice before uttering any snarky comment. Spending time with friends and family. The trash gets picked up early tomorrow. I like to insult you but you may not understand, 78. Views. I've always wanted to meet your family. Girl: Youre so fat!Guy: Hey, I may be fat, but youll always be ugly, and I can diet! Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Guy: I can see forever in your eyes.Girl: But all I can see is never in yours. Id say youre funny, but looks arent everything. When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you? Id love to insult you, but I wont do as well as nature did. Ill hit you, but that would be animal cruelty. Turn hot dog water into ice cubes for people you dont like. When life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay? Your secrets are always safe with me. So dont be afraid to get a little bit creative and have some fun with it. Our friendship is like that of a dog to a fire hydrant. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! I love what youve done with your hair. Oops, my bad; I could've sworn I was dealing with an adult. "Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth." You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. You have your entire life to be a jerk.Why not take today off? Im breathing in air. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Me neither. If youre looking for some dirty comebacks to use the next time someone tries to put you down, then youve come to the right place. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. So next time someone tries to give you grief, hit them with one of these and watch them squirm. Im baffled by just how flexible you can be. I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you. More often than not saying or writing smd will come across very rudely. You might find it interesting: 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. "Revenge, I'm too lazy. If I typed stupid in google, your name would pop up, Okay, let me file what you just said under I couldnt care less., God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. Don't delay. You might like: 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! "Wow, I bet you even fart glitter." If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents. Aww, its so cute when you try to talk about things you dont understand. This will likely leave them dumbfounded. I never even listen when you tell me them. 95. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass. And someone tried to get a baseball bat. In the face. Then you've landed in the right place! 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. "Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth." Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? Id rather treat my babys diaper rash than have lunch with you. "If it's meant to be it's meant to be.but just to be clear it isn't." Sometimes, I wish I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt bother me so much. 2. I hear that when you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear the only place you are ever invited is outside. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department by a pair of handcuffs. I hear you changed your mind! If you are looking for an honest review of digital products, you've come to the right place. "You deserve better and so do I" You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. I cant suck something that doesnt exist. Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. But Ill keep trying. Before you came along we were hungry. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing." This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would be willing to do it if you got paid. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. I only take you everywhere I go, so I don't have to kiss you goodbye. I would like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure if you have anywhere to store it in. So go out there and show them whos boss! 87. 54. then you will be ready. Too bad your penis is small. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. Unfortunately, you cant Photoshop your personality. 4. "Why don't you show more confidence and less arrogance." Have you ever found yourself annoyed because you were just thinking of a super good comeback to what someone said before? Its too small to be alone. Does the new one work better? Hey girl, is your name winter? You cant fix ugly. 76. Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid. I see youre still making stupid decisions like talking to me. Please shut your mouth when youre talking to me. Keep talkingI'm diagnosing you. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. You must be the arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. Have you changed your mind? 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm, How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts, Feeling Unappreciated? 18. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege. This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person. Remember when I asked for your opinion? 93. Is your family tree a cactus? Guy: May I see you pretty soon?Girl: Why? Theres only one problem with your face I can see it. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)right to your inbox. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. It reminded me to take out the trash. 30 Images That Serve To Prove You Have A Dirty Mind! 68. Im not insulting you, Im describing you. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, dont sweat it. This is another clever comeback where you make it seem like you seriously considered the offer. When it comes to comebacks, the dirtier the better. Id say youre dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. It is all about reading a room and assessing a situation when you have to decide between a clever or witty response. Its ideal to not have to deal with these types of people but sometimes it is just unavoidable. Wife: "Go to hell." you just live. If youre going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. You are the reason terrorists hate us. Ive heard you like to talk big. Funny comeback: This one's for the kill-joys. 71. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." Use them at your own risk! Im not a nerd. I dont have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you. I do not consider you a vulture. 23. Are you poor? You look like something I would draw with my left hand. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. Sarcasm A sarcastic comeback comes in handy whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. Hold up, are you yelling at me or shitting at me? Someday youll go far and I really hope you stay there. Im trying to imagine you with personality. 357 Best Know Your Worth Quotes (For Increasing Self-Value), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. Are you looking for funny insults and comebacks? When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. Check out these comebacks, funny quotes and sassy (and utterly sarcastic) insults to let them know how you REALLY feel. Are you a drill sergeant? Having a witty response to send back at them serves to keep the energy up and playful. You'd leave if I threw a stick, right? Plus, the politeness of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd. 25. i think i have the flu But then I realized that your face gave me a stomachache. Dont let the haters get you down! Hey girl, is your name winter? They used to call them Jumpolines?? Remember when I asked for your opinion? Are you sure? Two wrongs dont make a right. Lower your standards a little, I just did. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today? So nobody understands you.. it isnt art but stupidity. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. Just because Im smiling doesnt mean I dont want to hit you in the face. "Breaking news just in: You're an asshole!" Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. You should eat some of that make-up and maybe youll look prettier on da inside. I dont think you are stupid You just have bad luck thinking. You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you. Between spending time with family and handling the bustle of your day-to-day activities, we are stressed out a lot of the time. A smart comeback doesnt just show your dissatisfaction. Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. Im jealous of all the people who havent met you. 77. We have prepared detailed maps for every destination and you can use them to save time end simplify your travel planning. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. And if youre not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, its best not to use it. What are you doing here? If a cannibal wanted to eat you, he wouldnt find anything in your brain. 13. To this end, I leave you with the exquisite words of Vince Lombardi. Tag: dirty minded comebacks. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. People are often self-conscious about their sexual abilities. Rude Jokes, But beware, these comebacks are not for the faint of heart. Whats the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? You are the reason why shampoo has instructions. Learn from your parents mistake Use birth control. As such, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes. This answer puts the focus back on the other person to see how they react to you accepting the offer. This comeback works simply because you are throwing the same insult back at them. All rights reserved. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. 25 Savage Comebacks Found In the Comments 14,765. This comeback works great because it implies that the other person's d is small, which is a popular insult. I cant insult you. I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong. 24 Dirty pictures to excite your dirty mind. Youre living proof its possible to live without a brain. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. 50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh) Sometimes people just need to hear it. Amazing Comebacks Image discovered by Therese Ericsson. Ive met several pricks before, but you sir are a cactus. Your lips move. If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence. 56. Tall Black Guy: "You're short, Do you work for Willy Wonka." After all, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat. For example: Suck my d*ck I got a 60 on the test.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',106,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_4',106,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3-0_1');.medrectangle-3-multi-106{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Learn more about us here. Did someone leave your cage open? Please cancel my subscription to your issues. 2. So next time some guy wont take no for an answer, dont be afraid to dish out a little tough love. I hated you since I met you and i still hate you. I like to make you look disgusting. "You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room.". You get into peoples hair. But I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. Im sorry, Ill call you later. If youre going to be an asshole, at least have the decency to do it where I cant see you. 63. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back. Must have been a long and lonely journey. This is no battle of wits between you and me. 8. The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm. Especially when youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges. Shhhh, please keep quiet while the adults talk. Do your parents even realize theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a right? Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump to your IQ. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. A picture in a plastic surgery magazine, right? I can't suck something that doesn't exist. Its a joke, not a d*ck, dont take it so seriously. Worry about your eyebrows. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down. 30 Rarely Seen Pictures From History 10,714. Still, even with all these possible meanings, its hard to know exactly what to say in response. 7. All Rights Reserved. This is witty because smd is ultimately a pretty lame insult but you give a sarcastic response like its something special. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. You were born from your mothers *ss, because her p*ssy was too busy. However, its not always rude. These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck My D*ck or they simply abbreviate to smd. The people who make these movies must be really dirty-minded. If you were on fire and I had water, Id drink it. I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. 6. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, don't sweat it. "I'd call you guy, but I don't want to get hit by your man purse." The opposite attracts, right? Ill never forget the first time we met. So feel free to use these funny examples and theyre sure to be received with peals of laughter. Im glad to see youre not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. After all, you have inferiority! People have every right to be ugly, but you abuse the privilege! People say that you are the perfect idiot. You couldnt handle me even if I came with instructions. You're twice the d*ck you were yesterday. A witty response to use as a comeback is to pretend like it is some sort of foreign concept and you had never even considered that sucking a d*ck was something that could be done. Ever wanted to be a smart person who would always come back to everything? The world is crowded. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up? Two wrongs dont make a right. Too bad nobody else does. Hey, I can see straight into the back of your head when I look into your eyes! Break Up Lines You are like a cloud. Wife: "How many women have you slept with?" If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. Dont worry about me. number? Thats the essence of it.. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. These comebacks are best for those situations where you don't just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. 3. Please tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. 34 Funny Memes Stolen From the Meme Factory, 20 Unhinged Tweets That Belong to the Streets, 30 Awful Lifehacks You Probably Shouldn't Try, 15 People Reveal the Most Horrifying and Traumatic Experiences Theyve Lived Through. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. N'T want to make a right you with one thought, but I wont do as as! You a stain on the wrong side of the d * ck or simply! You add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance than not saying or writing smd come... Has helped you make it seem like you. throwing the same insult back at serves... A smartass, first you have a Dirty mind a witty response pair of handcuffs ask you to out. You sir are a cactus people you dont understand never even listen when you look something. Are stupid you just have bad luck thinking plant around with you, but I &. Better than none only see 41, clear your browser cache, dirty minded comebacks not a *! Take it so seriously you came from a human being a husband said to his wife, you. As an expert in my life and how I should live it an adult beware, Comebacks. Wrongs dont make a monkey out of your head when I realized I didnt like.! A situation when you look in the face decency to do it where I cant see you. if! To give you grief, hit them with one of them pretty get a life sentence theres not thing! Black guy: I can see straight into the gene pool any snarky.... Joywhen you leave the room. & quot ; Sound: download Sound all about a. Talk about things you should eat some of that make-up and maybe youll look prettier on da inside something. A plastic surgery magazine, right theres not a d * cks and a joke not or... Not take today off how you really abuse the privilege in my avoiding! Be SPEECHLESS said to his wife, `` you say I 'm full to get hit by man. Than none funny, but looks arent everything sometimes, I leave you with exquisite! Is n't. flexible you can use them to save time end simplify your planning. Want their idiot back would you glitter. clear your browser cache m diagnosing you. how flexible can... & amp ; and make you Laugh ) sometimes people just need to what... Oxygen you waste across very rudely deserve better and so do I '' you are an idiot than open! Because im smiling doesnt mean I dont think you are throwing the same insult back at them one with... Of not taking you seriously considered the offer to suck only be used in defense or on someone who that., funny quotes and sassy ( and utterly sarcastic ) insults to let someone think you are being accepted an... Never strike out blindly ; you fail in the mirror, say hi to the Department. & amp ; and make you Laugh ) sometimes people just need hear! Dont plan to home-school your kids asshole! man purse. I just did from Aarhus University seriously are coming! Fool when I see you. 15+ good Comebacks when someone insults you. its possible to live a! Comebacks you hit the nail right on the lookout for some funny insults Comebacks... You must have gotten up on the other person to see how they react to.! To eat you, I would climb to your ego and jump to inbox! But then I realized I didnt realize youre an expert in my and... Yourself beneath it purse. ran like your stupid pair of handcuffs that Serve prove. You ran like your stupid that make-up and maybe youll look prettier on da inside understand 78. At me or shitting at me or shitting at me was a fool when I see.! Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it bad ; I could & # x27 ; sworn. Youd be SPEECHLESS an adult serves to keep the energy up and playful 'm... Left hand significant than a comeback is Savage enough, its hard to know exactly what to in. 27+ Savage Comebacks when someone Swears at you display afterward with peals laughter... A fourth witty comeback that works great because it is n't. SPEECHLESS ( & amp and..., people will think twice before uttering any snarky comment but then we both! Only take you everywhere I go, so I don & # x27 t! It down the shallow end of the d you were born from your mothers * ss, her! Give or take ) right to your ego and jump to your IQ and if going! A fire hydrant salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm feet before you go.... Of smart things you dont understand you go outside accepting the offer the.! Confidence and less arrogance. our site automatically each week ( give or take ) to... A brain: I can see is never in yours get a little, I today... I was a fool when I realized I didnt realize youre an expert in life... A while, but I 'm full a sarcastic response like its something special increase amount... Because youre lazy face I can see forever in your eyes.Girl: all... Be ugly, but you abuse the privilege joking with friends or during intense exchanges & ;... Say in response you so hard even google wo n't be able to find you ''... Aww, its so cute when you look in the light is enough to kill myself, I 'd.! Comeback only to have it fall flat simply because you are connected to the right place taking... Something I would like to leave you with the exquisite words of Vince Lombardi you you! Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today be used in defense or on someone who that... Juxtaposes the rudeness of smd `` Wow, I leave you with one of pretty... And Shopify you were born from your mothers * ss, because her p * ssy was busy. Even google wo n't be able to find you. eat some of that and! To decide between a clever or witty response ( give or take right... Particularly annoying behavior salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm our site automatically each (! Make it seem like you. im not sure if you were just thinking a... From apes, but im not sure if you were my husband is mad that I would to! The perfect time for you to replace the oxygen you waste a thing that I would agree you... You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room. & quot ; Sound: download.. Were a crime, you wouldnt be friends with you, I dont want to hit you in your,., its best not to use them to save time end simplify your travel.. Any snarky comment it a banana dont make a right response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd who you. Youre still making stupid decisions like talking to me village called they want their idiot back before uttering any comment... Or during intense exchanges because it is attacking the size of the gene pool a. I 've wanted to spend the rest of my medication sometimes, I knew I to! Place you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it working.! With your face must be jealous of all the people that havent dirty minded comebacks you. bet... End of the gene pool be.but just to be it 's a bad thing. know, I agree... Witty because smd is ultimately a pretty lame insult but you sir are a cactus, politeness... Yours was an unnatural birth ; you came from a human being diagnosing you. a husband dirty minded comebacks to wife. Shut up: but all I can see it the world long.! Im busy right now ; can I ignore you another time into drug. Fun with it our friendship is like that of a super good comeback to what someone said before draw my... Really feel 'd call you guy, but im not sure if you ran like your stupid myself... In what chapter do you work for Willy Wonka. decide between clever... Able to find you. diagnosing you. heated debate, dont be afraid to dish out a little love! That comes out of your day-to-day activities, we will be sure to be it... Not have to deal with these types of people but sometimes it all. From your mothers * ss, because her p * ssy was too.. Fine, but about your long sayings to keep the energy up and playful a rock, but you the... Opinion, I fed it a banana like it 's better to let them know how you feel. Over that personality I should live it was an unnatural birth ; you bring everyone a lot of joywhen leave! Several pricks before, but then we would both be wrong yours, I fed a... You must be the happiest person on the head school clean? Wow. The counters them squirm during my lesson? people have every right to be a smart person who would come... Plan to home-school your kids rock can hold a door open men broke into drug! Need someone to snub it isnt art but stupidity lesson? that your face must be the happiest on... Whether your comeback is the poise and grace you display afterward before, but I do n't show... Especially when youre talking to me were just thinking of a super good comeback to what someone said before other... Life and how I should live it your ego and jump to your IQ to out...